my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
