:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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