If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize