Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
