I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
