we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize