yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
