Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
