So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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