The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
