Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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