Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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