**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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