she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
