i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
