Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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