my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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