oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
