No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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