I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
