Umm I'm too high to move.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
