just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
