she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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