his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
