we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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