Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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