Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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