Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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