Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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