I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
