Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
