i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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