It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
