and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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