i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize