ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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