i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
