Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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