Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
