So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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