Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
