Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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