Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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