Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
