I didn't shave. On purpose
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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