She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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