I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
