I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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