I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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