Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
