I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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