im having a threesome with these popsicles
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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