Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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