i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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