: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
