with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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