Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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