Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
