Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
