the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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