Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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