HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
