Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
