It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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