Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
your room smells of hookers.
And success
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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