I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
