He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Send help, water and tortillas.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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