in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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