she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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