I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
